..”Alyssa nodded and looked thoughtful, not perturbed in the slightest. “You’re dominant with us girls, but there’s no dark edge to it,” she told him supportively. “It feels playful, and is very exciting, but we all know you’d never hurt us.”John smiled at her, feeling immensely relieved that she was taking his confession in her stride. He said to her insistently, “You know I wouldn’t actually do that to Irillith, though, right?”“I know,” she told him lovingly.“Thanks for being so understanding,” he said to her gratefully.The blonde girl smiled at him, then leaned in for a tender kiss. She sat back afterwards, and continued thoughtfully, “This could well be your Progenitor nature making itself felt. We know that the Maliri have been heavily modified by Progenitors in the past, and perhaps part of you is responding to that, recognising that they’ve been deliberately designed to serve you.”He pondered what she told him, and said, “I know that Ceraden warned us against trusting Irillith,. Her voice was low and calm. ‘Of course I knew. If I had ever, ever had a woman lover it would have been you. I even thought about it, like you think about things that you know you simply can't do. I knew you wanted me. But you never made a move because you knew too that I couldn’t and that it would have hurt us both too much.’ She was right. ‘I knew you’d always be my closest friend because you love me and I love you. But we both knew it could never be physical. We never needed to say it, we knew.’ I nodded slowly. ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘You don’t need to be.’ She stood up. ‘Have another cigarette and come back when you’re ready, OK?’ She leaned down to look closely into my eyes and I nodded again. ‘Silly cow.’ I smiled a wan smile to myself as she walked away. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had.
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